telling the truth

sounds like a quaint idea. like a lesson i'll teach Morgan soon. like the crescendo of a good Sunday School lesson.

but it's hard! as i sat to write my Second Blog today, i tried to figure out how to present the ME i want the blogging world to know. i wouldn't lie outright - i heard to many of those Sunday School lessons to do that. it's more subtle - untruth by omission or slant or slight of hand...

i think first of what i want you, faithful reader of both of my entries so far, to know about me. that's followed almost immediately and most urgently by what i do NOT want you to know about me.... i wonder: how can i be funny without being trite? how can i seem smart without seeming like a know-it-all? can i write with both depth and playfulness - or do those cancel each other? how do i let them know i LOVE being a mom without being dismissed as Betty Crocker with nothing to contribute to conversation about things other than feeding schedules and diapers? can i talk about the things i passionately hope for the world to know about my Jesus, or is it spitting into the wind to post another among the billions of blogs (many better than mine) that you could read? am i a good enough writer to do justice to the things that make my heart beat every day?

kudos to all of you brave bloggers who have put yourselves out there for all the world to read, if they like. it's an odd tension i feel between wanting to be known and NOT wanting to be found out. it's the web-based version of relational risk, i guess - the same questions that race through my mind (as somewhat less articulated fears) every time i talk with friends or read to my daughter or pray...

should i even post this blog? it's odd to start my self-revelation by acknowledging my own insecurities and my temptation to deceive in order to cover them up....

gulp.... here goes!