shoulda picked a different title

i'm still hoping i eventually have "something intriguing" to fill in as the title of my blog. so far, it seems i should have picked "amateur exploration of the psychology of blogging."

80+% of bloggers say they write about their "life and experiences." (in case you care, the rest write about politics, technology, entertainment and celebrities, and religion). the first is a pretty broad category. my life and experiences.... what in that is blog-worthy?

i think i've ruled out reporting about "day to day" stuff here in the blog. several people who are actually a part of that day-to-day stuff ask me regularly to tell them how i'm feeling, how school is going for Ryan, and my latest cute-kid story about Morgan, and i am deeply grateful that i have those people who care enough to ask. i recognize it is not a given - many people don't get asked those questions enough or ever. for those of you who faithfully find my life important enough to warrant a phone call or conversation, thank you.

i can't exactly describe what i do want to write. maybe the things that get lost in the reporting of "day to day" things. things that we all want to talk about, but never quite get to. things you may not have time to listen to every time we talk, or things i have to leave out for lack of time or courage...

one thing, so far seems clear. it's partly a confession, partly an expression of a hope: part of me - a dangerous, insecure, subversive part - wants you to read this blog and be drawn to me. that part hopes for your approval, appreciation, and understanding above all else. this i confess because it will inevitably infect my writing (and talking and generally living). but the hope i have - for my writing and talking and listening and praying and parenting and loving and generally living - is that my desire for your approval would fade, at least, and maybe even die in the light of my desire to know God, and for you to know Him.

it makes me nervous to state that hope. what if i fail? but there's the dangerous me talking again...