"When I was in London..." (pt 2)

If you're more of a visual person, skip this post. It's the "words" post. Part 3 will have more pictures, I think...

I'm tempted to say "I came alive again," but that's not exactly it. Maybe in part. Parts of me came alive again. Facets of my person that had been dormant and unsought since Athan was born woke up.

I needed a marker. A milestone. Some point marking a transition. I'd been living in "survival mode" since May 29, 2007. For a while, that was appropriate, of course. But after we'd recovered from heart surgery and moved to a new house and visited family and settled back in to our life here, I needed to switch gears. I could seem to find a way to do that, and my trip to London proved to be (as I had hoped) that occasion for change that I needed.

That was good, but not surprising. I planned for it. Prayed for it. Worked towards it.

What surprised me was that God had more planned for me than I could have asked or imagined. Parts of me came alive again. And parts of me died. Parts of me that had lived in darkness, parts of me that chose to be defined by my past - died. Or were crucified to rise again as something beautiful and strong.

I feel alive and free. A little vulnerable. Naked. But alive and free. More free.

I was your knight in shining armor
I was honor, I was rage.
But I was nothing 'till you showed me
My armor was a cage.
- Lucky Kaplansky, songwriter